Deny, Defy
by Brixon
Summary: He couldn't deny that this was right. Not anymore. The touches, like broken glass scrapping against his cheek, mouth open against his ear, their hot breath an obvious contrast to the coolness of the touch. They thought Derek was traveling with Braeden, but when she returns without Derek, everyone asks, "Where is Derek." And the question is almost as hard as the answer.
1. Chapter 1

He couldn't deny that this wasn't right. Not anymore. The touches, like broken glass scrapping against his cheek, mouth open against his ear, their hot breath an obvious contrast to the coolness of the touch. He could tell himself this is what he deserved. He had done this six years prior. He could easily do it again. Just put his head down and never deny the touch. Never deny the voice dully ringing against his ear, words scratching at his ear drums like sandpaper.

He could never defy the voice's orders. It wouldn't end well for him if he did. He had tried arguing the first few months. He thinks…no he knows the first time he was punished for openly defying the voice, was when he had asked for Braeden. They were going on a road trip…the rest is a blur. He kept asking, snapping his teeth against the voice, hoping to latch and bite on the tongue and rip it off.

He couldn't deny that this wasn't his fault. Not anymore. He first remembers how someone once told him, "None of it was your fault. Stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your doing."

Eventually (admittedly very slowly), he began to believe them. He likes the feeling of all those things in his past, not marring his skin…his soul. Blood not belonging on his hands washed clean by those words.

" _It isn't your fault_."

Until the voice says it is and the wall around him comes tumbling down. He should have known. People like him…anything wrong that happened was his fault. _This_ is his fault. His own suffering is done by his own hand.

He could never defy their authority.

 _Keep your head down. Maybe they'll forget you_.

They never forgot him. Some days he wishes he could forget himself. Forget the moment of happiness he had. Just the taste of it lingers on his tongue and he chases after it in his dreams only to wake up with the acrid taste of bile and blood. Authority. He used to be in a place of authority. Or was he? He…he couldn't remember. There were some days that he forgot who he was because it had been too long since he had shifted. Unfortunately, there were those days when the voices would yell at him to shift so they could…He could never defy their authority.

He couldn't deny that when they would bless his aching body with water, he wouldn't whimper in content. He had tried growling at them the first few weeks, when they refused to give him some water. His body had already turned against him and the wolf knew it needed water to survive, so the man was kept silent as the wolf did everything to get water.

He trusted his wolf…yet he didn't. Not anymore. His wolf was weaker than the man and that was saying something. He trusted his wolf to protect him. He couldn't deny that his wolf had died inside of him too long ago. At least that's what he thought…until they brought water and his wolf weakly purred in content. Traitorous bastard.

He couldn't defy their attacks at least not with those chains bounding his wrist together. The last time he had been chained up like this at least he wasn't alone. Funny how now he wishes nothing more than the comfort of someone he knows to be alongside him. Then he berates himself for wishing someone to suffer this same fate.

He couldn't deny how at first he hoped his pack would find him. They had grown in the past few years and he believed that if anything they could…they had to find him. They had become a family and no one leaves family behind. He held on to that hope for so long, even when the voices kept telling him no one was looking. His wolf kept his ear out for any sound of his pack, nose attune to any familiar scent. There was one night when he thought he smelt something familiar. The smell of chocolate and cinnamon. His heart rate increased and his body stilled. Waiting. It smelled like pack…but it also smelled new.

Eventually the scent was gone and he was left hungrily trying to follow it…but he couldn't. Not down here, kept away from everything. The voices once came down to show him how no one was looking for them. They had been following his pack and recording them. He felt violated more so than he ever had during his time here. They were stalking his pack.

 _Be still_. _We do not want your weak pack and from the looks if it neither do they_.

They bring in a television and the screen lights up with their smiling faces, laughing, running in the woods. They did not look as though they were searching for him. No…no…they were looking…they had to be looking…because if they weren't then that means he could be here for…forever.

Maybe that's what's happening. Karma. He didn't protect his family, so in return his new family could not protect him.

He could never defy them because he promised that in return for his packs' family and their own safety, he would offer himself to them. He remembered the lady he met briefly in a holding cell next to his, promising to do a protection spell as soon as she left. She was leaving soon. He tried not to feel bitter about that because that meant they were safe. And if he couldn't save his first family, he could at least protect his new family. Correct his past aggressions. He hadn't seen them come down here, or smelled them so she must have kept her word.

He couldn't deny how the voices were right. They had always been right. Everything they said was true. It only happens to the worst of them. He believed himself to be a fool for ever thinking that good things can happen to the villains in the fairytales. No matter how they change their lives around, the villain is still the villain. Even the storytellers cannot deny that.

I could only pray that they find him before he can no longer defy time and his wish for life is denied.


	2. Chapter 2

_It's been almost a year since Braden and Derek left us._

 _It's been eight months since everyone finally freaking believed me about sketchy Theo. I'll still proudly boast that I was right, whenever someone tries to say I'm overthinking things. Pft, as if._

 _It's been nearly five months since we defeated Theo and his little band of monkeys (returning them back to their good selves…except Donovan…he was happily returned to Beacon Hills prison. And the weight I was feeling from his death was lifted…slightly. It wasn't as though I couldn't stop remembering I had killed him even if he was alive now.)_

 _It's been one month since graduation. One month since we all threw up our caps and cheered._

 _And now? Well, honestly now there's nothing to do. Absolutely nothing_.

"Stiles, may you please stop rambling. Gosh, it's giving me a head ache," Lydia exclaims picking at the chipped nail polish. "Kira may you be a dear and hand me some of that nail polish remover?"

Kira came up from her spot on Scott's lap, but not without a kiss on the cheek first. I rolled my eyes fondly, before facing toward Lydia.

"I wasn't rambling."

"Fine. You were going off like a crazed lunatic. Is that better honey?" Lydia takes the bottle from Kira and the smell of it assaults my nose.

I wince at the burn that overwhelms my senses and momentarily feel lightheaded.

"Hey, Stiles man are you okay?" Scott questions. I look at him and his concerned expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that stuff is strong, you know?" That answer appeases his worries as he lets his face shift back to its usual adorable puppy dog face. "But you know before I was rudely interrupted by-"

Lydia raises her eyebrow in question, and I know that I am to immediately rephrase me sentence.

"Sorry, before the great goddess of light and sunshine spoke" I start, but am once again interrupted.

"Gee way to lay it on thick there Batman," Erica snorts loudly.

"May I please continue what I was saying?" I ask, jaw set. It's not as though I'm actually angry or anything. No, nope. I just need them to listen. Because this is a very serious issue.

"Stiles, it's not that serious. And yes you just said all of that aloud" Isaac affirms, laying his head on my calf muscles. "I mean everyone here already knows what you want to say. No one has come to Beacon Hills to attack us blah, blah, blah we need to stay alert…blah blah blah…can't let ourselves get sidetracked…yada yada yada…oh and let's have a kick ass summer because we totally need to do everything this summer before we go off to college in a few months."

"Hey!" That was literally exactly what I was going to say, minus the blahs and the uninterested tone. "I was not going to say it like that. Besides there is more."

"No, there isn't. Stiles we're werewolves. We heard you practicing the little speech before we all met downstairs. I think everyone has it memorized by now," Erica hisses as if annoyed that my beautiful voice had graced their little dirty ears.

"Well, that's just great. Now I don't have to waste my breath. But yeah I'm saying we just need to have a kick ass summer before we all depart our separate ways," I say, shedding a fake tear.

"Stiles, all of us are literally going to college not even a few hours away from each other. Plus we have cell phones and you know technology that allows us to communicate," Scott tells me smiling. "And we're totally going to be roommates next year."

I fist bump him in excitement. "Dude it's going to be the best."

"Speaking of communication has anyone heard from Derek?" Kira asks softly.

Everyone looks around the room and shakes their heads at each other. Well except for Boyd and Isaac. Man, had none of us remembered that Derek was gone. I mean, well I did because he left a pretty big paw print on our lives.

Ha, get it?

Paw prints, because he's a wolf. Ah, humor is for the wise I suppose.

"He sent me a letter a while back making sure no one messed up his loft," Boyd says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What? Why you? And who would want to go into Sourwolf's loft anyway?"

All eyes are immediately staring directly at me. "Okay, no I would have gone once, maybe twice you know to see if things were okay while he was away. I would have been an awesome person to take care of that place."

The expression on Boyd's face is unamused and I take that as maybe I was the one Derek was hinting at to making sure no one messed up his loft.

"And you?" Kira asks Isaac shifting on the couch to grab a cotton ball for Lydia.

Isaac shifts up from my legs to rest on his elbows. "Eh, he texted me and called me a few times here and there."

"Wait Derek calls and text you? He knows how to do that? Why? Where is he? How's he doing? Is he coming home soon? Everything's okay right? Crap…of course it isn't. He attracts danger like a magnet. Could you call him now?" I ask eagerly.

Seriously, like the dude has been gone for like a year and only kept in contact with two members. I mean I'm curious. He and Braeden went off to no one knows where. It would be nice if he had said he was alive. I mean you know let his friends…well I don't know if he would call all of us friends, but I'm holding on to the belief that he has a heart somewhere.

"Woah, umm…I said texted and called. As in past tense. And yeah he kind of had to do that since by law he is my guardian and he wants to make sure I'm okay. But it kind of stopped after about three months after he left. That's when I got a text telling me I was being entrusted into the care of the McCall family."

"Wait, just like that?" Lydia asks taking a break to blow on her fingernails. "I mean isn't that odd."

"No, not really. He said he knew he wouldn't be back soon and he felt better knowing that I would be somewhere safe and with people who would actually look out for me," he replies, softly smiling at Scott, who is beaming back proudly. "So he called Melissa and arranged things to be set up until he returned. Thankfully, she said yes."

"Yep, my mom and I are pretty amazing people," he brags lightly.

"So he does have a heart," I mutter under my breath, strangely really happy about this newly discovered fact.

"Yes, or else he would be dead," Isaac deadpans.

"Huh? So after that just no communication, whatsoever?"

"Yep, he told me that if I ever truly needed to reach him I should just howl or whatever and he'd come back. But that's only if we were ever in danger." His voice grows softer in the end, as if knowing the immediate mistake hi made.

"So you didn't think to make your wolfy howl when the Dread Doctors were coming after innocent people? Or when Theo and his band of ragdolls came out from the woods? You didn't think we were in danger then?" I question angrily. "Do you know how helpful it would've been to have some extra hands with the shit storm that was happening in Beacon Hills?"

Isaac trades a look with Scott before handing his head down low. "I don't know why?"

"Yes, you do. You and Scott just made that we have a secret look. And you two are the worst at poker faces. So someone better explain why even though we had the chance to ask Derek for help, we didn't."

Neither of the two spoke up for a while, until Kira cleared her throat. "Umm, I would like to know Scott. I mean, surely it's not bad. Whatever reason the Dread Doctors and Theo are dealt with, but you know we were never to turn down help."

She looks at me and smiles slightly. God bless Kira. She is an angel in disguise. Truly, if Scott wasn't dating her…no ew gag nope. Too much of a sisterly feeling associated there.

"So why didn't Isaac do his howl for help?" Erica asks, mouth in a tight line.

"I told him not to." Scott looks bashfully to me through his eyelashes. "Because I wanted to do things on my own. You know? Derek's been there and he's been a better alpha even when he wasn't an alpha. I had to prove myself you know worthy of this True Alpha title. How could I do that, when I was constantly asking for help like a child? I mean, I know it would have been helpful and after the stuff with Theo and ah…my judgment hadn't been the best back then," he says ashamedly.

And then we're immediately back five months when Scott wouldn't look my in the eye.

"Hey, buddy look all's forgiven. You and me, we're good, right?" I ask lightly, still and always afraid the answer might be the one I receive in my nightmares.

But then Scott's face immediately brightens and he nods his head up and down so hard, I'm afraid it might topple over his neck.

I turn to Isaac and smile mischievously running my hands together. He scoots away from me, eyes distrusting, yet curious.

"So how about you just give a distress call, real quick Isaac my boy. I mean there's essentially no harm in it. He'd come back, we'd tell him there's actually no real danger, he threatens to rip out our throats, and we all laugh because he'd never do so," I tell everyone.

"Stiles, I'm afraid it's not that simple," Isaac offers. "I'm not distressed. Plus when I howl, I mean he'll hear me and he'll howl back in return, but what if like he's busy or he's like in Asia and he comes all this way back for nothing. I don't exactly want to be the one who tells him he left Asia for nothing."

"Eh, then I'll be the one to tell him. Go on howl, I know you wanna," I jokingly tease. "I mean all in favor of knowing where the hell Derek-"

"And Braeden," Lydia puts forth. "Because you all seem to forget she's with him as well."

I wave my hand dismissively in the air. "Yeah and her are. So all in favor, say I."

There is a grand dramatic pause between my last statements, before Kira says I. Scott (real shocker) follows soon after. Erica's chipper one contrasts against Boyd's grunted mumble. Lydia shrugs her shoulders and tosses her hair before exclaiming in pure Lydia fashion, "It wouldn't hurt to find out."

Isaac begins gnawing at the inside of his cheek, and for a moment I'm worried he may draw blood.

"Fine, but like I can't exactly howl in the house Stiles," Isaac pouts.

"There is an outside. And since we're in Lydia's family's cabin in the woods, you can go out there and scream at the moon," I say cheekily standing up and offering my outstretch hands to Isaac. Isaac doesn't move to take them, but stands up with the pure power of strength.

Excitedly, I alongside the others follow Isaac outside to the woods. "Okay, now think distressed and howl."

Isaac rolls his eyes before wincing. "Derek please forgive me." He lets out an enormous howl enough to wake up the city a few miles away from here.

We all wait minutes, the werewolves keeping their ears out to listen for Derek's response. Scott shakes his head, confused that Derek hadn't responded.

"Are you sure he'll be able to hear you out here?" Kira asks wrapping her arms around herself.

"Yeah, pack members are always attuned to those in their pack, so no matter the distance, you can always hear your pack's howls," Isaac answers smiling briefly at Erica and Boyd who had been rescued due to that very fact.

"Huh, maybe you don't sound distressed enough. Try again," I tell him ignoring his look of anger.

"Gee, maybe it's because I'm not distressed," he huffs out before howling again. Again no response.

"Maybe he's sleeping?" Lydia says. Everyone looks unsure of this answer because one thing Derek prided himself on was his hearing. "Try again one more time just to make sure though."

Isaac tightens his jaw, holds his breath, and then lets out the most distressed howl I have heard. Again he doesn't answer, and Isaac's body tightens and he howls again over and over and over. He looks over toward us and that's when it all sinks in for him. His eyes widen and his mouth opens in a gasp and a whimper quickly follows.

Erica and Boyd immediately crowd over Isaac trying to make sure he's okay. "Can't…can't feel him…can't feel him. He…I can't feel him."

"Shh, Isaac. Yes you can, because Boyd and I still can, right?" Erica looks at Boyd who nods his head in agreement. "Shh, calm down Isaac."

"No…he's not here…he said he'd be back…ah…I can't feel him," he whispers brokenly, eyes flashing back and forth, as if the wolf doesn't know how to handle this new sort of information.

Lydia raises her eyebrow at me before she goes over to Isaac, gently nudges Erica and Boyd out of the way and presses her lips firmly against Isaac's. His eyes widen and I can hear him stop breathing. Lydia steps back and holds his shoulders firmly with her hands.

"Are you okay?"

Isaac sniffs and shakes his head. "No, you don't get it. I don't know why, but I can't feel him. Not anymore. It's like I howled and he denied me. Why would he do that?" He stutters over his words, and before he can work himself into a frenzy, I kneel down beside him and the rest of the pack follows.

"I don't know. But I promise we'll find out okay. We'll just try finding him. I mean how hard is it to find Derek Hale? His scowl is easily recognizable from miles away," I joke trying to ease the tension.

Isaac sniffle before he hunches over. "I can't lose anyone else. Not again."

My eyes meet Scott over Isaac's shoulder, and without words being exchanged we both agree that Derek Hale is going to come back to Beacon Hills just to say he is fine and to say hello to Isaac, and he can happily march his way back to where he had been staying.

It sure must be awesome if he's stayed away that long. Hopefully, the place he's in is treating him well.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Eh, it's a pretty long chapter but hey...I hope you all enjoy. Sorry for any possible mistakes. If you see any that stand out and make you wince let me know. I'll get right on that. Please comment and yeah just enjoy. Thanks!**_

* * *

My body aches and I wish with all my might that I could absorb my own pain. It will certainly make things better…at least for a little while before they come back. I forget whose turn it is tonight…well this hour. Someone came this morning, but at least they are new.

New meant they are nervous. So for me that means I may come back to my little room with minimal bruising, if I am lucky. Or…they do not know where to hide their marks. I don't really care at this time. I've just grown to accept it. I have to.

"Der, Derek," a voice whispers and my body immediately tenses. As the voice grows closer, I feel the tension in my back lessen as I sigh in relief.

"Becca," I think I say, but it comes out like, "Be'a." The one from yesterday had broken my jaw so it makes it rather difficult to talk or much less breathe.

Becca enters and the light around her gives her this unearthly glow. She slips into the room, using the key she had stolen from the inattentive guard.

I am thankful it is dark in my small room so she cannot see my bruises. Becca has taken on a rather protective nature ever since I have gotten here and I do not need her hovering over me, with hopes of taking away my pain, but not being able to.

"What are you doing in my room," I manage, having to take a few uneasy breaths in between words.

"Derek, this isn't your room. It's your cell. Please do not grow accustomed to this as a warped up sense of home," she scoffs, flipping her pale white hair off of her shoulder. "Derek I told you to send me a distress signal if it ever got this bad."

Becca leans down toward me and grasps her hands in mine. I wince in pain as she runs her fingers over the rope burns. Ever since I came here I haven't been able to heal myself as much as I would like. The ropes had a light dusting of wolfsbane on them that makes it nearly impossible for me to break free of the constraints or quickly heal from its inflicted wounds.

"Derek," she says softly, blue eyes searching mine in question.

"You shouldn't be here," I tell her rather honestly. I made sure that she was able to escape freely as soon as possible. I would much rather have her safe than for her to keep coming back and making sure I'm okay. I will never be okay, but as long as my pack is safe and she's safe I'll be okay with what I have to do. And I tell her so.

"Stop being such a fucking martyr," she demands, the expletive sounding off on her high pitched voice. "Now turn around let me inspect you."

"Remember do not heal the wounds on the outside. They can tell if I'm missing a bruise. They count," I tell her hitching my breath as she instructs me to lie down on her lap.

I lay my head down on her lap as she runs her fingers through my matted hair. "Derek, I…I can't keep coming back."

"I know. That's what-"

Becca interrupts me by placing her hands firmly over my mouth. "I can't keep coming back and seeing you like this. It's hurting me. I have to find a way to get you out."

"Sparks can't interfere in things Becca." My words are muffled by her hand still on my mouth, but she understands what I am trying to communicate.

"Rest. Just rest, I'll make sure no one visits your cell while I'm here. I'll also make sure no one visits you for the next two nights. Your body needs to heal," she says softly running her hands over the bruises on my face. "And I'm not interfering. I know Sparks aren't allowed to you know actually mess up the chain of events, but I'm not going to stand by and let this happen any longer not when-" Her breath hitches in her throat and her fingers tremble over my jaw.

I tilt my head to look up at her in question. "Not when what? Becca?" I question softly.

She shakes her head and runs her fingers lightly over my ribs. She has a soft look of contemplation on her face and sighs tiredly. "Nothing, never mind. Just rest for now please."

I weakly nod my head and begin dozing off, memories of how I got here constantly playing around in my mind.

 _9 Months Ago_

" _Derek, Derek!" Braeden excitedly shouted tugging on the corners of the bed sheets. "Seriously, you need to wake up!"_

" _Ungh," I groaned, pulling the covers over my ears. "G'way," I muttered turning over so my back is facing her._

" _Derek, get your lazy butt up. You have to meet with that pack in Toronto and I need to get some things before we leave to head for Spain. And you are wasting my…our time," Braeden hissed, nails biting into my shoulder._

 _I quickly turned around at her, fangs on full display and a snarl clearly evident on my face. Braeden seemed pleased by this reaction and jumped off the bed._

" _Wheel's up in ten. If you're not ready by then, I am leaving your ass behind."_

 _She walked out of the room swaying her hips and I'm slightly tempted to pull her back into bed with me, but we agreed that it would be best if we didn't engage in those activities anymore…especially when she had her eyes set on some guy that I haven't seen. But I know her constantly looking at her phone and the uptick of her heart every time her phone buzzed was a clear indication that she was talking to a romantic interest._

 _I lean back against the headboard and sighed. When we had talked about this, we had both decided it would be best. Neither of our hearts were set on loving each other and that's something that, while we never admitted it aloud, was rather important to us._

 _But I'm glad she found someone. Truly. Did I wish she had waited until I could find someone else as well? Yeah, but one thing I know is that seeing my friend happy was the least thing I could do._

 _As I reflected on my friendship with Braeden I began thinking of the pack I left behind. I had briefly talked with Boyd and Isaac, but the others I hadn't bothered texting back. Sure, everyone had tried calling, but I didn't want anyone asking questions. Because all of them would center on questions such as:_

 _Why did you leave?_

 _When are you coming back?_

 _Are you planning on staying?_

 _And I honestly don't know if I could answer those questions._

 _Braeden walked in and flopped down on my bed. "I know that look. You've done it almost every day since we've left. Derek, you know we can go back to Beacon Hills anytime you want," she said softly as she ran her fingers over my arm._

" _No, look we've only been gone for barely a month. We said we would stay away at least for two months then we would go back…Braden," I stopped short trying to figure out what I was going to say. "I needed…want a break from Beacon Hills, I'm not ready to go back yet. Just sometimes I wonder what I left behind, who I left behind, or if I left anything behind at all," I admitted to her._

 _Braden nodded knowingly. That was what I appreciated about my friendship with Braeden. We both understood each other, when no other person could._

" _Look Derek I'm not saying we go back now, but sooner or later you have to go back to your pack," Braeden said. I looked into her eyes and immediately want to shrink into myself. Pack?_

" _They aren't my pack anymore, Brae," I told her. "They haven't been in a while."_

 _Braeden pushed at my shoulder. "Don't say that. They are your pack Derek. They at the end of day are your family. Those missed calls and text messages on your phone are proof of that. They care."_

" _They probably just want to see if I'm coming back to see if I bring a storm of Hale as soon as I arrive," I smiled bitterly as I think of how that little joke would probably make Stiles laugh. "But it's okay."_

" _No, it's not Derek," Braeden insisted. "Look at the end of next month we are going back to Beacon Hills. This time apart has been great, but look you need to go back to your pack and grow. They need you Derek as much as you need them."_

 _I opened my mouth to argue with her, but she raised a finger to shush me. "Don't Derek. Look, I've run away from things all my life and they either catch up to me, or I become so tired from running that when I finally stop to rest, I wind up in their trap. I don't want that to happen to you. It can't happen to you."_

" _Braeden I'm not you!" I said loudly, immediately becoming upset. "I don't run away from things. That's not the problem. I run toward things. I run toward danger! I ran toward Kate, she killed my family. I ran toward Peter for help, he killed Laura! I ran toward the pack and they still don't trust me fully. I ran toward Jennifer, she used me! I keep running toward things, and I always get burned," I screamed into the air, my voice growing horses with each screamed statement._

" _Maybe, just maybe if I run away from the fire, this time I won't get burned and those around me don't get caught in the wildfire," I whispered brokenly, looking at her not daring to shed a tear._

 _Braeden's entire body tensed up as she drew back her fingers. I winced at the retraction of her touch as I was reminded of all the harm I've caused to people. I briefly looked at her facial expression and I wish I hadn't. Immediately, I threw myself off of the bed, refusing to look at her again._

" _I'll tell you when I get back from the meeting with the pack in Toronto," I told her stiffly, mildly thinking that I should take a shower, but not wanting to stay in that hotel room any longer not with her looking at me like that._

" _Derek," she started._

" _Don't. Please, just don't. We'll talk about when and if we go back, when I return from that meeting," I told her quickly shutting the door behind me._

 _When I arrived at the pack meeting, it was like I was on autopilot. I don't even remember what was happening. I was sure at some point they asked for my opinion on something, but I didn't even remember my mouth moving, except for people's grunts in agreements and leisurely smiles. My mind wasn't there and when we left I felt as though I didn't know where my mind was._

 _I didn't want to face Braeden again, nor her questions so I decided to walk around for a bit. The cool breeze seems to caress my cheeks and my steps falter. I can't go back to Beacon Hills, not yet. I'm not sure if I ever want to go back…no…_

 _I do want to go back._

 _I just don't know if there would be anything to come back to and that terrifies me._

 _I continued walking for another few minutes before a little girl knocks into my legs, bits of laughter coming out of her. I looked down at her for a second a small smile gracing my lips. The mother apologizes quickly, a fond, yet exasperated look on her face._

 _I turned my head to look at them as they run behind me. That's what I wanted. I wanted a family, not to replace my own, but to build on my own. I wanted it to be the Hale family, not just the Hale son. Sure, I had Cora, but she had her own family. Last I heard she was in some pack called Bora and she had a mate. Peter…_

 _Anyway, that's what I longed for. That was the main reason behind all my actions. I just wanted a family, my family by any means necessary. I thought I had gotten that with Boyd, Isaac, and Erica, but they became so involved with Scott, that I even lost them too._

 _I couldn't even be upset about that. I mean Scott is a true Alpha. I'm not even an Alpha anymore To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I was. I have no pack, so that must mean I'm…I don't say it to myself even in my thoughts because if I even admitted it to myself that would be dangerous._

 _All of those thoughts swirled around in my mind that I became clueless to someone bumping into me._

" _Man, I am so sorry," a raspy voice exclaimed. "I didn't even see you."_

" _It's fine," I told him, not even trying to see who bumped into me. Rather, I was focused more on getting back to the hotel and packing up for Spain. I became so focused on walking ahead, that I didn't notice his hand had wrapped around my arm._

" _Hey, man let go," I said trying to shrug out of his grip, but finding it hard to do so. He doesn't let up, and no matter how hard I try to tug my arm out of his grasp I find it hard. My eyes blink hazily at him and I soon found it very hard to concentrate._

" _It's okay, it's okay. I got you now. I got you," he whispers softly. "Mari, get the front door."_

 _The voices around me become a dull throbbing in my ears as I slowly lose consciousness. My tongue feels dry and I feel my blood turn to fire. A startled scream starts on my lips, but I feel someone's clammy hand against my mouth._

" _Shhh, don't scream now. We don't want to tire out your voice. You'll have lots of chances of screaming when we get our hands on you," a faceless voice taunted as I was pulled into the car._

 _My body tried fighting off my attackers and in my mind I could gather the strength to break away, but here in reality I couldn't even blink open my eyes. My body sagged onto whatever body was in the car and as much as I tried staying awake and fighting them off, I couldn't._

 _When I finally woke up, I was shackled to a wall. My stomach ached and I felt like vomiting. My eyes tried adjusting to the darkness of the room. It's amazing how no matter what I did, I always ended up in situations such as these._

 _There was a stench about this room and the air felt humid. My teeth snapped in the air and I struggled to get out of their constraints, even when the burning was being inflicted on my wrists. My body felt hot all over, the exertion of trying to escape these holdings finally catching up to me._

" _Stop struggling. They're coming in here soon and if they see you have that much energy they will take you tonight," a soft voice said._

" _Who are you?" I questioned, voice scratchy out of misuse._

" _Rebecca, but you can call me Becca. You've been here for about two days already. I heard them saying that they would come and use you once you were well rested. When they come back you need to go back to sleep. I've kept you covered for the two days, but my magic is running low," she whispered as if ashamed she couldn't do more._

" _Magic?"_

" _Oh, ha yeah I'm a spark," she said excitedly. A warm purple flame lights up the room and I can see her face. She has bright blue eyes that contrasts nicely against her pale skin and her snow white hair._

" _Why…why are you here?" I questioned._

 _Rebecca comes closer to me the flame still being emitted from her hand. "Same reason you are. These idiots want to repopulate the Hale pack and think the child of a Spark and werewolf would be amazing. Plus you are the infamous Hale, and you have quite a bit of standing in the werewolf community and they figure if they can breed a child that is of your biology then they have power. But what they don't know is that Sparks cannot bear children of those who are not their Promised. Which you are most definitely not."_

 _My ears keep ringing as she rambles on._

" _I have a Promised, who I bet is worrying his ass off right now wondering where I am. The only reason those band of idiots haven't marked me up and bound me up is because they need me to be healthy to bear our little magical werewolf which is in all ways impossible. Also because you can't kill a Spark without killing yourself so…anyways. I couldn't carry your child, but they don't know that. But I can't tell them that because then they would send me away and like I need to be here to protect you, so I kind of told them I would carry our impossible child and use like some magic to fool them…but that requires magic and shit I'm running low and…"_

" _Breathe," I forced out, a headache already coming near surface. Goodness, she talks nearly almost as fast and as much as Stiles._

 _She heaves in a huge breathe, and begins to open her mouth before shutting it quickly. "They're coming. Look, pretend as though you are sleep. I am covering you right now so they can't physically get any closer to you…you know intimately. I promise I will find both of us a way out of here without you getting killed."_

 _The flame goes out and she goes back to hiding in her corner, or at least that's where I think she went. My eyes closed, as upon request as the door opens. Voices entered the room and I tried evening out my breath. They're not werewolves, I would have scented it on them…well two aren't. The rest…three of them were human. They stayed in the far back, which is probably why I couldn't distinctly hear their heart beats. The door closed and four out of five of them are outside while one was in here with me._

 _One werewolf came up to me and a light flickered on. My breath almost hitched and I tried to make sure my heart beat didn't change. He walked up to me and ran a cold hand down my chest. His lips ghosted over my ear and he whispered softly, "I know you're awake, but the others don't. So how about we play for a little while until they discover that you are very much awake," he whispered fingers trailing down my arm._

 _I tried staying still because Rebecca had told me to. What if she had lied? What if she was a part of this? I always seemed to have the worst instinct on whether or not to trust someone._

" _Hey, Jaxon his body isn't rested. He's not ready," Rebecca told him, coming out from her corner. "And beside if I am to bear his child he has to be pure, with no one else before me. To act in such intimate ways with another would ruin any chances of my body accepting his child."_

 _Jaxon growled lowly in the back of his throat but retracted his hands away from me. "I suppose you know best. But as soon as this little Spark is pregnant, trust me I will have my way with you."_

 _The promise on his tongue was said with such venom, I was afraid that it made me believe it to be true. But I wouldn't…I couldn't let someone take me like this again. It wouldn't happen._

" _Come on Rebecca, we must feed you now and haven't I told you that you are no longer supposed to be in his cell until we have secured you two a time to conceive," Jaxon argued looking at Rebecca who seemed disinterested in anything she had to say._

 _Rebecca rolls her eyes and softly smiles, "But of course feed me up so you can breed me. Wonderful." She looked at me meaningfully before reaching out to Jaxon. "Come, I'm hungry. Derek it was nice to meet you." When Jaxon had turned away from me, Rebecca stared at me eyes speaking for her. The desperation in her eyes were as evident as the desperation I felt. The desperation to get out._

 _They both walk out together and the light goes out and I was once again left in the dark. My eyes stayed open, even though they burned. I tried calling out and sending a distress signal to my pack…I howled loudly hopping any one could hear me. I know I taught Isaac and we had practiced on this so he would know. He had to hear me._

 _I couldn't do this again. I childishly thought to myself that this wasn't fair, but nothing in the world was fair. Maybe this is karma…if I believed in such things._

 _I just hoped they could come and get me before the last bit of innocence I could call my own would be buried alongside the rest of my soul._


	4. Chapter 4

_**Reader: Another one?**_

 _ **Me: I'm tired.**_

 _ **Reader: No, you're not. You're just lazy.**_

 _ **Me: True.**_

 _ **Reader: So write.**_

 _ ***Brings up computer and sighs, but my fingers can't help themselves. So without further adieu enjoy this special chapter***_

* * *

At the tender age of five, I learned a lot in life. I learned things such as: there were no beings like fairies, or tooth fairies taking your tooth from your pillow and replacing it with a quarter; Santa; the Easter bunny, and all of those other childish magical beings that our parents, friends, and others tricked us into believing.

It was Peter's plan to tell all the children that there were no such things and that we were foolish to believe so. He said the only reason we believed was because we ourselves were some magical beings, but he said to believe in any such things that can bring joy without wreaking havoc is nearly impossible.

No, instead he insisted that there were monsters that creeped in the night, searching and hunting their pray. There were no sugar plum fairies that danced in your dreams. There are ghosts that haunt your nightmares exploiting every single mistake and sin you have made and will make. However, and to the dismay of many, a child will so learn that none of this exists at some point of their lives.

These children are taken from their little childhood fantasies, whilst I knew about that from the time I turned five. I knew there was no such thing as Santa. And try as I might, which I did and never failing I do say so myself, I always put up this façade to show I loved the Christmas season for my younger family members.

However, on that Christmas year, I turned five all of my joy for Christmas changed. I learned a lot about _crying_. Crying. Such a strong, yet clearly defined word. To weep, cry out, the shedding of tears. As so clearly defined by Webster's Dictionary.

Human beings cry because for them it is a natural instinct, a natural reaction to experienced pain or unpleasantness. Whether told not to cry at a young age due to the fact you're a man, and clearly men don't shed emotions, at some point in life humans all do.

Peter constantly reminded me I was not human.

People cry, when they are hurt in some way, shape, or form. I used to cry. I used to shed tears. I used to actually think there was a reason for them. Now I see that honestly I was wasting my tears, on something that couldn't be fix. I cannot get hurt. Werewolves cannot be physically wounded or offended. It is not in our nature.

I learned that crying only brings grief and tiredness. In the end it is a waste of your energy.

Crying itself, doesn't bring back your loved ones, or heal your broken heart. It doesn't take away from the pain that surges every now and then taking complete control of your body. Burning you from inside, until finally you cannot take it anymore.

I remember how I soon found out all about this idea of crying on the night before Christmas. Classic isn't it.

 _I woke up startled hoping it was just another dream. Of course as I looked at my black suit thrown over my desk chair, I knew it wasn't. He really was gone. And he was just a child. Just like me. Five years old._

 _In fact it should have been me. If only I had known where I was walking, maybe he wouldn't have pushed me out of the way, his body crunching in pain slowly, mouth opening to cry, yet no mutter was even audible because he had been silenced forever._

 _My mom came in there later, holding her scarf close to her neck. It wasn't Christmas. It was more like a Death wish. It should have been me, lying in that coffin, buried underneath mounds of snow. Except in the end, it wasn't. It was him, the guy people who had several parents secretly starting to plan their young daughters into meeting for the young men to pursue._

However, it wasn't. And even still a year later, the pain was still there, no matter how many times I cried myself to sleep rocking myself. My mother would always come in soothing me, to a restless sleep. But as I stood there in my black dress, holding my black umbrella as the rain poured down, mixing themselves with my salty tears, I knew nothing would go back to the way it had been.

Eventually my mother stopped soothing me. Once cannot rise from the grave to soothe a poor man's soul.

At that point, I thought it senseless, crying here when evidently no one was going to save me. My family is never coming back. I finally realized, there was no point in crying. Crying only reminded you of what you were crying for. And I no longer wanted to feel that way.

Now as I sit here in this cell, I could think of nothing else besides crying. The relief that it would bring. The throbbing in my brain that would be a consequence of me finally releasing the grief I am feeling.

I was tired of this. Besides no one came, when I finally decided to leave. No one came at all. No one has searched for me. It's been nine months, nine months of pure torture, inflicted wounds, unwanted touches, stolen moments that were supposed to be reserved for someone I loved. A part of me taken away without being given freely.

Becca told me a few days ago what she thinks is happening. Honestly, it has me so terrified I hope that she's wrong. It can't happen. I don't want to fulfill they're plan. I cannot help them taint the Hale name more so than it has already been.

I need them to come save me. I need my pack, but I don't think they will come. And honestly, I didn't expect them too. They are being protected no harm will befall them anymore, not as long as Becca was alive. It was the deal I made with her. They are safe, and that's all that matters.

At least that's what I tell myself, but at moments like these I allow myself to be selfish. Moments were my body is aching and I hear a heartbeat that does not belong to me fill my ears, wash over me. I want to be selfish. I want someone to take care of me for once. I want someone to come and save me. Perhaps, it is me asking for so much. I never really saved anyone, so how could I expect someone to save me?

I smile faintly, trying to conjure up some happy memory that isn't tainted with loss as I lay my head down to rest.

I find none.

But instead only nightmares steal my dreams and I am lost in the darkness that I have grown to call my home.


End file.
